Choose one of the following monologues for your video audition.

OK to hold pages.

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Spamalot

Historian: (Standard British dialect/RP; any gender—could be a teacher, librarian, etc.; direct address to audience) 

And so, King Arthur gathered more knights together, bringing from all the corners of the Kingdom the strongest and bravest in the land to sit at the Round Table: the strangely flatulent Sir Belvedere, the dashingly handsome Sir Galahad, the homicidally brave Sir Lancelot…Sir Robin, the Not-quite-so-brave-as-Sir-Lancelot, who slew the vicious chicken of Bristol and who personally wet himself at the Battle of Badon Hill, and the aptly named Sir Not-Appearing-in-this-show. Sorry. Together they formed a band whose names and deeds were to be retold throughout the centuries—the Knights of the Round Table!  

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Dennis: (Lower class dialect like cockney; male presenting; speaking to King Arthur)

Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government.

Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not some farcical aquatic ceremony.

You can’t expect to rule the land just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!

If I went around saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a

scimitar at me, they put me away! Soggy old blondes with their backsides in ponds can’t replace the electorate!

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The Wizard of Oz Monologues

Wicked Witch of the West:

There is nothing so depressing as boundless optimism. Happily it is totally misplaced. Now, shall I squash them out like the interfering bugs they are, or shall I be witty and creative? The bug alternative is attractive but messy. So witty and creative wins the day. A-hah! Something with poison in it, I think. With poison in it, but attractive to the eye - and soothing to the smell! Poppies! Poppies! Poppies! This lethal lullaby will put them to sleep forever. And then the Ruby Slippers will bee....MINE!!!!

Dorothy: 

I have got to get back to Kansas. I do love you, but there's a place and people I love more than anything. And now... now it's further away than the furthest dream. Oh Scarecrow, I'll never see Kansas again as long as I live.

Never, never, never. (pause) What have I learn?  Well, I...I think that it...that it isn't enough just to want to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em.  And it's that... if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own backyard, because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to being with. Is that right?

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Forever Plaid Monologue

Smudge:

You know that saying "You can't take it with you?' Well you can, you're allowed one suitcase. So we took our props and the bass carts, and I snuck in my record collection. You see, when I was a little kid my parents opened a diner...They had to give the sitter Wednesdays off for beauty school, so I'd hang around the diner and wait for the juke box lady to come to take out all the old records that no one was playing any more. She'd give them to me... 

I sit there for hours just lookin' at the labels...listening' to 'em.  I'd mouth the words- and I'd make sock puppets and pretend they were the Ames Borthers, or the Four Aces. We, the guys and I, always dreamed of making an album. We even made these neat record covers ourselves - excuse me....

(He takes out his homemade album covers, "show 'n tells" them to the AUDIENCE)

THE PLAIDS IN A BLUE MOOD, THE PALIDS SWING DOWN BROADWAY, and THE CHRISTMAS ALBUM-PLAID TIDINGS. Although we never had any albums to sell during one of our shows, we would sell the empty record covers, and keep dreaming of the day when we could stuff them.. Is was a good dream.

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