2020 REQUIRED DANCE AUDITION
LEARN & RECORD yourself performing
the choreography on this YouTube Video: https://youtu.be/O4jVm0ioGXk
2020 REQUIRED MONOLOGUE
Choose one for your video audition—OK to hold pages
Dolly Levi – Hello, Dolly!
Money, money, money, money, money. It's like the sun we walk under, it can kill or cure. Mr. Vandergelder's never tired of saying that most people in the world are fools, and in a way he's right, isn't he? Himself, Irene, Cornelius, myself! Yes, we're all fools and we're all in danger of destroying the world in our folly, but the surest way to keep us out of harm is to give us the four or five human pleasures that are our right in the world...and that takes a little money. The difference between a little money and no money at all is enormous...and can shatter the world! And the difference between a little money and an enormous amount of money is very slight, and that can shatter the world, too. It's all in how you use it. As my late husband used to say, money, pardon the expression, is like manure. It's not worth a thing unless it's spread around encouraging young things to grow!
Horace Vendergelder – Hello, Dolly!
I'm getting married again, Cornelius. And in honor of that occasion I've decided to promote you from impertinent fool to chief clerk. Now get back to work! And don't forget to put the lid on the sheep dip! [To Audience.] Ninety-nine percent of the people in this world are fools...and the rest of us are in great danger of contamination! Why, even I was once young, which was foolish; and got married, which was foolish; and was poor, which was more foolish than anything else. Then my wife died, which was foolish of her; I grew older, which was sensible of me; and became rich, friendless and mean, which in Yonkers is about as far as you can go! Oh, I know what you're wondering now. Why a man of so much good sense should be planning anything as foolish as getting married again. The answer's simple. This house without a woman would be an empty shell....and pretty dirty, too!
Minnie Fay – Hello, Dolly!
[Babbling a mile-a-minute throughout to passers-by and customers.] ...Oh dear, oh my, will you look at that, ten o'clock and the shop not opened yet? It's all because of the impending marriage, I tell you. What marriage? Oh, I thought you knew. Why the marriage Mrs. Levi is arranging between Mr. Horace Vandergelder, the well-known Yonkers half-a-millionaire and my employer and friend, Mrs. Irene Molloy. Although if you ask me he’ll never take the place of her late husband Mr. Peter Molloy, may he rest in peace wherever he is, I'm not sure. Oh, it's all too much what with late husbands and new marriages and on top of everything else Miss Mortimer
returning this hat for the third time! Same old story, she wants more cherries and feathers...cherries and feathers to catch a beau I suppose, although if you ask me she'd do better with a nice heavy veil! I told her, ribbons down our back is what we'll be wearing this summer, but she'd have none of it!
Cornelius Hackl – Hello, Dolly!
Isn't the world full of wonderful things? There I sat cooped up in Yonkers for years and years and all the time wonderful people like Molloy were walking around in New York and I didn't know them at all! I don't know whether you can all see from where you're sitting...well, for instance the way her eye and forehead and cheek come together up here. Can you? I tell you right now: a fine woman is the greatest work of God on Earth! You can talk all you like about Niagara Falls and the Pyramids; they aren't in it at all. Of course, I've seen women before. But today I talked to one equal to equal, and they're so different from men! And they're awfully mysterious, too. I bet you could know a woman a hundred years without ever being really sure whether she liked you or not. Today I've lost so many things. My job, my future, everything that people think is important, but I don't care. Even if I have to dig ditches for the rest of my life, I'll be a ditch digger who once had a wonderful day.
Gomez – The Addams Family
“Where are we from?” Funny you should ask. July 31, 1715. The Spanish warship, Pico de Gallo, commanded by my great nautical ancestor, Captain General Redondo Ventana Laguna Don Jose Cuervo, leaves Madrid, bound for the new world. Three weeks later, he is still in Madrid, as Madrid is four hundred miles from the nearest ocean. A stubborn man, he sets sail anyway, only to sink, six months later, off the southern coast of Florida – a hostile land infested with mosquitoes, rattle snakes, and many retired Jewish people. But enough about us. Mr. Malcolm Beineke, I presume, and the lovely Mrs. Malcolm Beineke, and you must be the young Lucas. Welcome to our extremely normal home. Gomez Florencia Addams, at your service. Allow me to present my wife, mother of my children, el amor de mi vida—Morticia! A duchess in the parlor, a genius in the kitchen, and a gymnast in the bedroom.
Grandma – The Addams Family
My turn! Me! Me! Me! Age before beauty! The chalice! [Drinks, looks at Pugsley] The kid and I had a little heart to heart before. I told him to use his time wisely. Look who’s talking – how much time have I got left? I’m a hundred and two, I have shingles and arthritis, and when I break wind it could start the windmills on an old Dutch painting. But I’ve still got one more
round in me. Call me Cougar, but five’ll get you ten there’s a couple of 90-year-old hotties out here just waiting to chow down on a Grandma sandwich. Full Disclo...Full Disclo...I just peed.
Morticia – The Addams Family
Humiliated! Shamed! Mortified! I told that Beineke woman we kept nothing from each other. You lied to me, I can’t live with that. You didn’t dare tell me this, because I’m such a terrible mother. And look at the thanks I get. I gave up my dreams for the sake of this family. I wanted to travel. I wanted to see Paris! I never saw the sewers of Paris! And now it’ll never happen! So that’s how it ends...alone and forgotten in a tiny room, living on cat food and broken dreams— that’s what happens to mothers. Look at yours. She came here for the weekend, the weeks turned into months, it’s twelve years later and she’s still up there: Deceived. Deluded. Smoking weed in the attic. A grandma. Well, I’m not going to end up like your mother. Out!
Uncle Fester – The Addams Family
[To audience.] There you are: Secrets exposed. Marriages threatened. Delicious anarchy. What happens now? Can this be repaired? Or do you all leave in an hour feeling vaguely depressed? Who is this Lucas fella? Do they really love each other? What is love anyway? Does this rash look serious to you? So many questions. I think I’ll get a little moon. Yoo-hoo! Hello! Where are you hiding? Are you playing with me, my only one? [Sees Moon.] There you are! Look at her. Lovely, is she not? And so far away. Yes, in matters of love, my dears, distance is our friend. Closeness? No thank you. Quarter of a million miles away—that’s a good distance for romance. We never fight, each waning is a heartbreaking separation. Each meeting—a happy reunion!